“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils” (Hector Berlioz)

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea” (Robert A Heinlein).

“I hate that awkward moment when I spell a word correctly, but it looks so wrong that I stare at it forever – questioning its existence” (Anonymous).

“I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves” (Whisper).

And finally... (about dogs and people)

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person” (Andy Rooney).

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man” (Mark Twain).

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face” (Ben Williams).

“Scratch a dog, and you’ll find a permanent job” (Franklin P Jones).

“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful” (Ann Landers).

“Properly trained, a man can be a dog’s best friend” (Corey Ford).

“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult” (Rita Rudner).

“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog” (Franklin P Jones).

“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog” (Ambrose Pierce).

“Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate” (Sigmund Freud).

‘Lexophile’ is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless”.

Some more:
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A will is a dead giveaway.
When you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

“Tact is the art of getting your point accross without stabbing someone with it” (Anonymous)

I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. And someone else was in charge of my hair” (Anonymous).

“When odds are one in a million, be that one!” (fb/the idealist).

“If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness” (St Thérèse).

“Books are a uniquely portable magic” (Stephen King).

“Remember when phones were stupid, and people were smart?” (Anonymous).

“You’re only given one little spark of madness. You musn’t lose it” (Robin Williams).

And finally...
Cat film clips, status updates and online shopping – we all know the internet is a serial procastinator’s dream. But wasting time on the internet can earn you a degree from next year. The University of Pennsylvania wants students to mess about online for a creative writing study (from a Scottish daily).